Abstinence is the best choice for a pre-teen. University of Carlifornia, Santa Cruz defines abstinence as:
“Not having any kind of sexual play with a partner.”1
The reasons why a pre-teen should be encouraged to abstain include:
- Waiting until they are ready to make decisions about having a solid relationship
- Preventing pregnancy and STDs 100%
- Focusing on school and extracurricular activities
- Sustaining beliefs (moral, religious, etc)
Studies have shown that parents who have open and accurate sex talk with their kids before they become adolescents/teenagers, have a greater chance of instilling better decision making abilities in them.
So how exactly can YOU help your preteen have a happier sexual future?
- Watching TV with them: When TV watching is a family fun pastime, viewing is forced to be regulated. What they are not exposed to watch or what the parent condemns as bad behaviour on TV has a way of getting through to the kid as unacceptable behaviour.
- Parental example: We all know the old adage:“Do what I say, don’t copy what I do” which seems to work least for kids! A parent who, after a divorce goes on to make reckless and undignified sexual choices is putting the child in jeopardy. 2
- Above all an adolescent is 30% less likely to be sexually active if the parent had shown strict monitoring in his/her pre-teen years. There seems to be some brain glue which causes those values to stick which are more present in the 9-13 (pre-teen) ages.
- Dialogue: If parents can just find the courage to talk to their kids about sex it will be amazing.
The fear you feel about telling your kid about sex is nothing compared to that you will feel if the child makes even a single blunder in life, caused by reckless sex. And you can’t totally blame the child. You have your role to play.
Drop a comment if you need help/encouragement talking to your kid about sex! We are here and willing to help…
- L. B. Witbeck, R. L. Simons, and M. Y. Kao, “The Effects of Divorced Mother’s Dating Behaviors and Sexual Attitudes on the Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Their Adolescent Children,” Journal of Marriage and Family 56, No. 3 (1994): 615-621.